Bee (paintswithtea) wrote,
Bee
paintswithtea

Journal Entry - 003: Homesick

I know I just got here and that its probably just a combination of the exhausting trip, the new surroundings, and my computer trying too hard to speak to me in French, but I am a bit homesick. Or perhaps heartsick is a better name for it. Its not like its my house that I'm missing, and not necessarily my family either. Its that sense of familiarity that is missing, and as a hermit that sense of familiarity is very important to me. I miss feeling at ease already. I'm hoping that with time that will lessen as I get settled here, but my paranoid brain keeps trying to convince me it will not.

But I guess the thing that is hardest whenever I travel is the time difference. Its so hard to go to sleep knowing my friends are awake and I want to talk to them, then to wake up when they are all asleep. People i normally talk to for hours and hours a day, when I travel i feel lucky if i even get an hour with them. Thats alright for a week or two, but can I do it for a whole year? I don't WANT to do it for a whole year.

And here I can't use internet in my room because the Wifi the family has only works in the salon which means I can't exactly stay up til 5 am on the computer like i normally do. And all the portable hotspots that i've looked at so far in my research either do not have international coverage, or cost a fortune. And I don't understand quite how the usb internet sticks work, if they work abroad, do i need a mobile system for it, are their charges each time i use it, etc etc etc.

Its all giving me a headache, and while the family is very kind and doing everything they can to help me, there is still a barrier, and a simple one that can't be removed by time. Fact of the matter is I am a guest. And thats fine, but if you've ever been a guest before you know that you always have to be alert and aware of everything you do or say in a way that is different from if you are at home and your brain can sort of take the backseat and let you go into autopilot.

And funny to think all this whining started because I wanted my search engine to be in English this morning.

Tags: france, whining
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